Toning Up Thursday – Jeans shopping edition

too superlow jeansOk, first, I’m going to be  back to quilting soon. Don’t give up on me. I’m taking comfort in the fact that I’ve seen other bloggers lose their quilting mojo and then get back into the swing of things. I just keep hitting a brick wall; I used to be eager to sneak time in even if it was just 30 minutes, but lately, I just say, “Nah…I’m going to __________” and then I fill in the blank with anything else. After I post this though, I’m going to quilt for a little bit tonight. Really, I’m going to. I’m starting to crave a little time with the sewing machine (plus, I’m falling behind on my goals and feeling yucky about that…)

But, today is toning up Thursday update time. My frienemies that I was in the little weight loss challenge with extended the deadline for a week and then cancelled the challenge altogether. We may or may not have wanted to indulge in a little Valentine’s Day dessert when we all got dressed up fancy-like and had a fun dinner together 🙂 But, when I weighed in on Sunday, I discovered that I had lost my challenge weight even though we had officially cancelled.

I then bounced back up briefly, but when I weighed myself this morning since I’m going back to Thursday weigh ins,  I’m back to that challenge weight. Woo-hoo! That puts me only about 6 pounds away from my total goal weight. It’s looking more and more like I might be able to do a thorough purge of my closets before I move.

The way I figure it being down to my goal weight on Sunday was a gift that would carry me though….are you ready for it?…jeans shopping.

Yes, jeans shopping. Can I get an amen out there that jeans shopping is a harrowing experience for any woman even if she’s been working out like she and Jillian Michaels are BFFs?

Jillian Michaels is not my BFF, but I’m down to one pair of dark washed jeans that fit, and I’ve lost enough weight that a few pairs of jeans that used to fit are a little saggy-baggy. The final straw was Kohl’s sending me a 30% of coupon. Darn you, Kohl’s, you know how to woo me every time!

So, here’s how the jeans shopping went down. I ate pizza first. I know, it’s not a brilliant move, but by the time church was over, I had nearly worked myself into a frenzy about getting a slice of pizza at the mall food court. Leaving the food court, I entered Kohl’s on the junior’s section side.

Why do I even go into the junior’s section? I don’t know. I mean, I’m 32. The whole time I’m in there, I hear the voice of Stacey London from What Not to Wear whispering in my ear, “Is that really age appropriate?” And, I never find anything that has enough structure to it to look nice, but I persist.

And, I persisted in picking up jeans — in the juniors department — in size 7. I was secretly thinking, “Oh, you jest. Why are you setting yourself up like this?”

But, then I went into the dressing room AND the jeans came up farther than my thighs. What, what?!? I even got them buttoned. Happy dance! There I was doing a little spin and twirl in the itty, bitty 4X4 dressing room until I came to a screeching halt with my posterior toward the mirror. And, I was like, “Hey. Uh, this isn’t going to work.”

Now, for context you should know that these jeans that I was twirling about in were labeled Levi’s Too Superlow.

I know, really, why should I have thought they would work?

Low jeans rarely work.

Superlow jeans never work.

As an English teacher, I know that “too” is a word indicating excess.

So, “too superlow.” That should be stating the obvious, right? The obvious being, “Leave these on the shelf, honey child, they are not going to work.”

And, sure enough, as I ended my spin and twirl and did the butt check that must be done when jeans shopping, my alarmed thoughts shifted to, “Hey, where is the material that will cover my butt crack? Hey, a belt won’t work because a belt has to catch my hips and my hips are almost completely exposed. Hey, how can I function in these jeans…do normal stuff like sitting down without mooning everyone or like wearing a normal shirt?”

Stacy London stopped asking, “Are these age appropriate?” and started screaming, “These are never appropriate.”

So, buoyed by the fact that it was the jean’s fault that this was a no-go and not mine since they did come up over my thighs and button, I found my way out of the junior’s department to the section where clothes are made with enough fabric to cover people and nothing is labeled with “too.” It was a bit harrowing. After at least 15-20 pairs of jeans (and probably some dressing room attendants who couldn’t wait for me to leave), I found 2 pairs of jeans that would work and narrowed it down to my favorite since I still plan to lose weight and want to hold off on buying more pants until then.

So, my advice for all of you forming healthy habits. Eat your pizza if you need to get through jeans shopping but get yourself to the right department after that. And, never, ever try on anything that says “too superlow.” The tag speaks truth.


5 thoughts on “Toning Up Thursday – Jeans shopping edition

  1. hahaha! That’s pretty much my life motto: STAY AWAY FROM THE SUPERLOW. I feel like life is a constant struggle to find the balance between Superlow and Mom Jean. What is the middle ground?!!

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