Wrestling

I was driving over to my church tonight to drop off the bulletins for Sunday morning, and I wound up listening to this song by Keith and Kristyn Getty four times. I teared up on the way to church while listening to it, but I held it together because it was the men’s poker and basketball night, and I didn’t want to go in carrying the bulletins and bawling my eyes out. But, I let myself cry on the way home, and I let the truth of the song wash over me.

It reminds me of the verses in I Peter 6-8: “In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” I can’t say that I’m running around greatly rejoicing right now. It’s been tough couple of weeks, but I’m coaxing my heart towards the promised rewards of a faith that is tested, a faith that does something.

When I flipped open my Bible to the I Peter verse, I found these notes scribbled in the margin. I don’t know what the something is that my faith is supposed to be doing, but I know I need to let what I found roll around in my mind for a little while. Following the arrow I drew from “if necessary” in the verse over to the margin,  I read, If God is going to need us to do something, He will do what He needs to do to prepare us for the task.

“God is much more interested in our callings than our comfort.” – Beth Moore

Those words can sound so harsh, but only if I remove them from the context of his calling: “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling,…and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe” (Ephes 1:18-19). Ultimately, as my heart sees his calling, I will know the greatness of the power of God directed toward me. It’s not easy truth when the fire is refining your faith, but it is truth. And sometimes, when you see truth, you need to say amen, and then put one foot in front of the other, knowing that enough steps will take you to a place where things make sense and knowing that you do not travel alone. Ever.

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